The Poker Game

HEY, FOLKS. BELOW IS A RANDOM JOURNAL ENTRY I FOUND WHEN I THOUGHT I HAD 100% FINANCING. OF COURSE, YOU NOW KNOW THAT THIS OPPORTUNITY HAS FADED. STILL, IT'S A GREAT DEPICTION OF MY REAL HIGHS AND LOWS AT THAT TIME. I THOUGHT SOME OF YOU MIGHT ENJOY IT. IT WAS WRITTEN IN FEBRUARY 2, 2009.

I’m sitting in the plane with the turbines roaring. We rocket forward. Unlike the song, it’s raining in Southern California, and the tiny beads of rain on the window drastically pull horizontally as the world behind them turn into a blur. I’m flying to Hawaii for a much needed vacation.

It’s tough living the double life. My 9 to 5 job is more like a ten hour a day job. Oh, and did I mention 6 days a week? It’s been like this since last September and expected to be like this until the end of March. It’s merciless. In the morning, I claw myself to the gym to get my blood pumping and my muscles working like a normal human being before I glue my ass to a chair for the next ten-hours and hypnotize my eyes before a glowing screen to edit a real “reality” show. (chuckle)

It’s tough just to feel alive in this racket called “To live and die in L.A.”! And in the middle of it all, between making a living and feeling like a human being is the “dream”, my valiant efforts to make a movie. But it’s not just any movie. It’s the story that I’ve carried for over ten years. A story that everyone has said must be made into a movie. And so I’ve pushed. Every year, I’ve pushed. And I never gave up. Why? Because the story has to be told! Sure, I would love to say that it was my own fixation over selfish, narcissistic dreams. But this is not the case. This story is alive and breathing. It exists apart from me. It is it’s own being carrying a vitality apart from myself. Unfortunately, it’s umbilical is attached to me. And until I birth it, forcing it out of my creative orifices, (pretty picture huh), it will die with me.

Every year, it feels like I am getting close. And every year, life has its way of turning it’s head, shutting a door, and laughing at me. Sure, I can take it personally and shed a tear. Sure, I can give up on this project and move on to another. Sure, sure, sure, sure. But I don’t. Because until it gets made, I will feel that I never quite tried as hard as I could. Can someone say obsession?
Early this week, I got an e-mail that shocked me. Distribution. They were offering 10 – 30% of the budget through foreign pre-sales. This is the type of offer that I’ve read about in books! This is the type of offer that is used in examples in film class! This is the type of offer that has never happened to me…until now! After years of pushing and finally throwing myself into the lion’s den of the American Film Market, I finally get a distribution offer! But it’s more than an offer. It is a card. Actually, it’s a hand.

For those of you who play poker, you will understand the invisible game that is going on. The distributor has showed me a card. But instead of playing against another player; all players in this game want everyone to win…together! The distributor has a piece. Investors have another piece. Talent has another piece. And of course, I have my own. But before any one of us puts something down, each of us is hoping someone else will go first. So here we are…all of us sitting at the same card table peering over our secretive hands. Everyone knows the drill – show just enough without giving too much away. My gosh, I wish I could explain it all, but I can’t. It’s just so damn complicated and vague. But the tension is thick.

So what has really happened? Well…nothing and everything. The distributor offered 30% of the budget via pre-sales. I took this info to a producer. With the distribution deal, the producer is confidant he can bring in the “rest” of the money. The “rest” of the money means up to the remaining 70% of the budget. Of course, he hopes he can get 100% out of this budget by doing it in another country like Canada or the east with its tax benefits. Now, with distribution, 30% of the budget through pre-sales, and the remaining 70% through an independent producer, I was able to ask another private investor for the outstanding 30%. And poof! There it was. In a blink of an eye, my “Bridge-Man” said he had it. At this point as I write this blog…I now literally have 100% of the funding…and 0% of the funding at the same time. What?!? Exactly.

Hollywood is a funny city. It’s an even funnier industry. Of course, I am trying to explain all of this without fully understanding it myself so it’s bound to sound funnier if not more confusing. We have all the players in place. But no one will set down the piece before the other. So now I have to convince everyone else that someone else has already put their piece down! Make sense? Of course not.